When we first learn that someone has died by suicide, we can experience a range of emotions. We could be feeling completely lost, shocked and unsure of how and what we are doing and thinking …we could also be in denial…our brains natural way of coping with shock and trauma. We all have our unique way of dealing with the grief…. some find it hard to describe how they are feeling.
We all experience loss and grief in our lives but to be bereaved by suicide has been described as grief ‘with the volume turned up’ … that it tends to intensify our normal responses to loss.
You may not even know what type of support will help, often people believe very little will help them, such is the devastation. The days following the suicide of a loved one can involve liaising with the police, funeral directors, the coroner, and other agencies. This can be a really difficult time as it can feel intrusive and inappropriate. It might be helpful to have practical support and help as this can feel overwhelming.
In the first instance we offer a call, what we have learnt is often that first conversation is so overwhelming, you’re not sure what you really need or want, so we invite you to book in a
call with us. These calls can be from 10 minutes to an hour, it is very much focused on your needs, but it’s there to offer you the opportunity to find out about our services, if it feels
right for you, or just register your details for us to come back to you. We may ask questions around your support network, how you feel you are coping, some details about the person
who has died, and practical information, like do you want a home visit, or online support.
Once your initial call has taken place, that doesn’t mean the end of our therapeutic support. Our bereavement support worker can continue support you, as you access any of the other
services, so will help you along the way if you want counselling, to access the support groups, even attend one as company for you.
You support worker is there to guide you, to ensure you are accessing what is right for you, when you need it. They can also liaise with experts in the practical side, from informing
others of a death, contacting funeral homes, and supporting your thought the inquest process. It very much depends on the support you find most helpful.
We have a variety of handouts and online resources we can send you, but we also don’t want to overwhelm you, so at any time you can say, not now, or the time is not right. It is also
important to remember for a person bereaved by suicide how and when to let others know, it can be one of the hardest challenges. You are entitled to tell others when you are ready
and feel able to express that you do not have to answer any difficult or probing questions if you don’t feel able to at that time. It may be helpful to have support with this aspect,
including how to manage social media and ways to deal with this.
It is also important for people to go at their own pace without pressure. It can feel extremely chaotic in the first weeks of grief. Having support that offers a calmness and flexibility is
crucial. Using sensitive language and checking out with a person what feels acceptable, what may be too difficult. Language is hugely important when talking to someone bereaved by suicide
